Face the truth

I think it’s time to face an inconvenient truth. Despite all the marketing Al-Qaeda could not establish itself as the friendly terrorist organization it once aimed to be. It’s time to change their image and even though I haven’t been asked yet, I hereby offer my advice to them free of charge.

In order to be cool nowadays, certain needs of the customers have to be satisfied. But the change I want to propose would perhaps also appeal to terrorist youngsters and suicide bomber offspring.

Dear Al-Qaediacs, to plant explosives into the rectum of your suicide bombers is a good start and it doesn’t just crack westerners up – it literally cracks up the bomber him/herself. Although not an appetizing thought at all, it shows that you are constantly looking to improve your image. But the best way to change your somewhat damaged image would be to change your name. Resort to some name that lets your clientele identify themselves with you. My proposal is to change your name to


It tells your clients that you are modern, that you are cool. And apart from convincing your clientele it will also make you more appealing to potential recruits. Try it and I promise you will be surprised by the effect.

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